People are always trying to control things: their finances, their feelings, their children, even what people think of them. A lot of effort often exercised in futility. In reality, there’s not much you can really control at all. In fact, so much of what happens seems so random, so irrational that we feel overwelmed by our efforts to manage it. Despite all our accumulations of knowledge and history, we still barely learned to understand ourselves or to be genuinely civil with each other. We’re fearful of the known and anxious about the unknown. We have no peace. So most of us tend to approach day-to-day living with great trepidation or under great fatigue from doing so while others pretend our problems don’t exist or even matter. Ultimately, all our efforts to control or ignore reflects our desire for security or our fear of uncertainty.
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond our power or our will.”― Epictetus
Unfortunately, life is uncertainty realized — insecurity is the norm! At the end of the day, we must realize that the truth is that most things are outside our capacity to understand or control and no elaborate economic, social or religious system to date has been able to remedy this dilemma. The key, it seems, is to accept that the idea of complete control is itself illusory. This is the first step to understanding how to live. It’s also the first step towards genuine existential maturity.
“There is great wisdom to be found in insecurity.” — Alan Watts
To try to control life when so much is uncontrollable is to fill one’s life with continued conflict, a neverending battle to satiate desires and to alleviate fears, to cling to life and dread death, an elaborate and ever-evolving scheme to avoid risk. But to be alive is to the take risks, to follow those urges that aren’t always so rational because important life decisions are beyond measurable cost-benefit analysis. And in taking such a journey, man is free to be himself and head along the path of not mere self-improvement but self-discovery. He’ll also find, ironically, where he has actual control, or agency, over his life. These are, in non-hierarchical order: (1) where he places his attention, (2) what his attitude is and (3) the action that he ultimately takes.
Attention:
We’ve talked ad nauseum about attention. But to sum it up succinctly, attention is love. It’s passion joining perception. It’s seeing, hearing and understanding over just casual looking, listening or the mechanical collection of data. Attention has no cause; it’s engagement and, in that engagement, we lose the self. We become receptive and satsifyingly vulnerable — like that wonderful feeling of falling in love. We all know it’s impossible to love anything without complete susceptibility. Attention, like love is, selfless. It’s why I love making art because art is a great tool for learning how to love. And this loving attention is always ours to give.
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” — Simone Weil
Attitude:
A situation may be joyous or grim on the surface but how we feel about it depends on our attitude. We can elect to be cruel, negligent or stingy or we can alternatively elect to be kind, thoughtful and generous. Others can influence our minds and thoughts but attitude is ours. This is not about feelings, for feelings are feedback, a reaction. Attitude is a choice — a response which we can learn to manage and exercise. And hence, we must be especially diligent when it comes to guarding ourselves against wanton negativity and non-constructive criticism. Sociological studies have shown that those who hang around violent people quickly begin to exhibit violent behaviour hence it’s wise to be in the company of the kind, caring and creative. Having an inspired attitude makes any challenge less daunting.
“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” — Albert Einstein
Action:
Sometimes, when things get rough, it seems like we don’t have a choice but we always do. For instance, someone may threaten or torture me but they could never make me do the same. Non-action is an action we can always take as an alternative. At the same time, doing nothing can also be the wrong thing; the opposite of love is not hate but negligence (i.e. to ignore or give no attention to). The artist, for example, should always do rather than don’t do. He should be direct in life as in art. To ignore one’s deep creative urges is to deny talent and destiny. He should make his art regardless of resistance. He might not get paid nor be recognized currently for his authenticity but he will have, at the minimum, been true to himself. And in that, there is strength and meaning if not vindication. Action is a demonstration of real faith, not the faith in false idols and institutions but faith in process and in the universal order. The spirit can not come alive without action. Furthermore, it’s the actions we take that define who we are.
“We are, what we repeatedly do.” — Aristotle