Self-Worth

Henry Miller, one of the boldest, bravest and most unique voices in American Literature.

As the year comes to a close, it’s easy to reflect back and wonder: Was it all worth it? What is the worth of what we do? And, what are we worth being one of many billions of people on, what Carl Sagan refers to as, this pale blue dot?

The earth, only a pale blue dot in a vast unlimited universe.

As artists, we face doubts, perhaps more so than any other folks on this planet. The world isn’t kind to the artist, at least not until he has proven his value to the market. Even then, perhaps we (or our work) are only seen as commodities or symbols of success, convenient devices to celebrate further consumption and economic growth while it is the trend to do so. Like all artists, doubt surfaces in my own mind from time to time as it does any other creative. It’s not hard for that to happen. I still remember distinctly when a friend told me that all I do is build sand castles (which I suppose reflected his own view on human life at the time). And after I suffered a career-altering injury, someone “jokingly” said to me that I’m now a has-been. And yet another time some else told me I was delusional, as to why or for what reason to this day I still do not know. This kind of criticism and casual condemnation is common for the artist to receive. And why wouldn’t it be? It’s easy to criticize what’s on stage sitting in the cheap seats. The common cynical mind is a backseat driver, a calculating cerebrum filled with cunning and cleverness — it can’t possibly understand what it takes to create. To dream, to build upon a vision, and to dive so vulnerably into the creative process day in and day out with courage is not something the non-artist or someone lacking in passion or compassion can comprehend. In business terms, they don’t see the percentage in it. Nor do they have the discipline.

Unlike so many of his followers, Einstein understood the limits of logic.

This Christmas Eve morning, I was reading from Henry Miller’s words on writing. Not only did I find solace, but confirmation — confirmation that being an artist is the only choice I can make with this life. And I am both happy and grateful for it. What any one else thinks, matters not one iota. And, if what I do makes some kind of difference, offers some kind of inspiration and hope or brings just a little bit of beauty into one person’s life, then it has all been worth it. With hopes that his words may offer you the same kind of comfort as it did for me, I share this page of his beautiful writing here:

“I obey only my own instincts and intuitions. I know nothing in advance. Often I put down things which I do not understand myself, secure in the knowledge that later they will become clear and meaningful to me. I have faith in the man who is writing, who is myself, the writer. I do not believe in words, no matter if strung together by the most skillful man: I believe in language, which is something beyond words, something which words give only an inadequate illusion of. Words do not exist separately, except in the minds of scholars, etymologists, philologists, etc. Words divorced from language are dead things, and yield no secrets.

He continues:

“A man is revealed in his style, the language which he has created for himself. To the man who is pure at heart I believe that everything is as clear as a bell, even the most esoteric scripts. For such a man there is always mystery, but the mystery is not mysterious, it is logical, natural, ordained, and implicitly accepted. Understanding is not a piercing of the mystery, but an acceptance of it, a living blissfully with it, in it, through and by it. I would like my words to flow along in the same way that the world flows along, a serpentine movement through incalculable dimensions, axes, latitudes, climates, conditions. I accept a priori my inability to realize such an ideal. It does not bother me in the least. In the ultimate sense, the world itself is pregnant with failure, is the perfect manifestation of imperfection, of the consciousness of failure. In the realization of this, failure is itself eliminated. Like the primal spirit of the universe, like the unshakable Absolute, the One, the All, the creator, i.e., the artist, expresses himself by and through imperfection. It is the stuff of life, the very sign of livingness. One gets nearer to the heart of truth, which I suppose is the ultimate aim of the writer, in the measure that he ceases to struggle, in the measure that he abandons the will. “

And finally, with assertiveness, he concludes:

“The great writer is the very symbol of life, of the non-perfect. He moves effortlessly, giving the illusion of perfection, from some unknown center which is certainly not the brain center but which is definitely a center, a center connected with the rhythm of the whole universe and consequently as sound, solid, unshakable, as durable, defiant, anarchic, purposeless, as the universe itself. Art teaches nothing, except the significance of life. The great work must inevitably be obscure, except to the very few, to those who like the author himself are initiated into the mysteries. Communication then is secondary: it is perpetuation which is important. For this only one good reader is necessary.” — Henry Miller, Writer.

I wish you all a beautiful conclusion to this decade, and may the new one that comes bring you much joy and meaning in your creative pursuits, whatever form they may take.

Thinking

The beautiful art of Cy Twombly cannot be created by intellect alone.

“Where is the life we have lost in living? Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?” — T. S. Elliot, Writer

The danger of overthinking… thinking all the time, thinking too much. It’s the great dilemma of our times. It used to be that the lack of access to information (i.e. data) was the reason for a lack of opportunity or the capacity to move forward. Today, information is everywhere, inexpensive and instantly available. What has been the most troubling obstacle rather is our inability to sort, select and use the information in a way that is beneficial.

The great Bruce Lee said it best, in his 1973 martial arts epic, Enter The Dragon.

As artists, we can’t be overthinking. We need preparation and vision but overusing our minds has us thinking safe and makes us tentative. Being an artist is never safe. Art cannot be safe. Art is proactive; we feel it in our gut and we must move forward.

“Intuition comes from being present, not the conditioning of the mind.” — Eckhart Tolle, Spiritual Teacher

Star Trek’s Captain Kirk (Willam Shatner) went on instinct while Spock (Leonard Nimoy) provided the data. Used in proper balance intellect and intuition can make a great team.

I think that there’s always a tendency to believe that the answers are “out there” when in fact, the solutions lie within. This is evermore the case with creation. We must free ourselves from our conditioning — and that may mean our education, the propaganda of our governments and corporations, and even possibly our own family upbringing. We must have faith in our true individual uniqueness and in our passion. This comes from someplace else, someplace indescribable. It is there where we draw our strength and bring forth our creativity because art lies in the dream, in play and imagination. When we think, we’re judging and criticizing, and that discrimination is always based on material that has come from outside.

“Knowledge is the outcome of past registrations (for) the unknown cannot be perceived by the known.” — J. Krishnamurti, Philosopher

Thinking, no matter how clever or rational, is always imperfect and always flawed because we must never forget that reality is a concept; none of us really see the world for what it actually is. After all, all experience is relative to our unique perception. If we don’t acknowledge this, we’ll live imprisoned in our own little lies, in stories full of noise and activity that culminates in nothing but an endless succession of meaningless moments, or, in what the philosopher Alfred N. Whitehead calls “the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.”

Singer Bob Marley was one of the coolest cats on the planet. His music is loaded with love, meaning and peace.

“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.” — Bob Marley, lyrics from Redemption Song

If we fall silent — disregard thought, disregard words — we can raise our level of awareness. Then we look and can see, listen and be able to hear. To do meaningful work, this is a requirement. It is, of course, not an easy thing to do. Hence, we must find our spaces, havens where we can find not solace but redemption. Genuine rest and refrain from busyness and distraction brings forth both clarity and innovation. We must have faith that we have gathered enough information and, that after having given ourselves the time to sort and absorb what is good, we can trust that our natural action, unobstructed by the mind, will also do good. Great art is made this way.

If you don’t fashion an environment where creators and originators can get things going, you wont’ have any new ideas.” — Nathan Myhrvold, Inventor

The great sculptor from Switzerland, Alberto Giacometti. An artist’s studio is a safe-house for creation and self-transformation.

Think less, do more. It’s something I have to tell myself periodically. It’s good to be detached from our expectations, fears or desires. Know that the mind — the ego — will always find an excuse to stall and prevent you from doing what’s most important — your art.

“For a while as a painter I feel I have in my possession the means of moving others in the direction in which I myself am driven. I doubt whether I can give the same sure lead by the use of words alone. — Paul Klee, Artist